Creative Exhaustion

For me creativity is both exhilarating and exhausting. The entire process challenges all of me: body, heart and soul. I have learned (the hard way) that anything worthwhile takes tremendous time and effort. This attitude is true for most things in life and especially in creativity. All great things happen with persistent pursuit, transforming over time, with action. The creative process can be overwhelming sometimes. Creativity when initiated inside self-doubt, expected learning speed and outcome can have me paralyzed with fear before I begin.

By focusing on the possibility of learning new skills, observing self-awareness and self-expression creativity will always have a stronger hold on me to create rather than not! By letting go of control beginning in the incubation stage, where ideas and concepts are formulated, flowing into the exhilarating process of actually creating, then onward to the exhausting finish line and completion, I cannot help myself but fall into the creative abyss, daily. The process of it all can be daunting, which for some paints a picture of exhaustion, therefore halting the creative process at incubation and idea stage. This is the very kind of weariness I embrace. Expressing an idea and bringing it into the light takes several attempts at cultivating what lives on the inside of me. This kind of challenge is expected on all fronts when creating anything. But, two other areas of unnecessary exhaustion for me are: (1) giving away too much of myself to others, and (2) the long arduous healing process of my journey through art.

I have given away too much of myself and of my time freely and willingly (for all the wrong reasons, I might add) and the healing of my life just never seems to end. I want to stop with the healing and move on to more joy-filled daily living.

Today I participated in an  Apple workshop to sketch, paint and draw using the iPad (free to everyone, with an Apple ID - sign up for one here https://support.apple.com/en-ca/HT204316. Once you have an ID download the Apple Store app and look for "Today at Apple" to register for a workshop. No worries if you don't have an iPad, Apple Store will provide you with one to use during the class). I have been taking running leaps at drawing, painting and sketching for years and to-date despite having dabbled in all three, completing various projects, my fear continues to run rampant inside me.

I do not naturally pick up a brush to paint, a drawing tool to sketch, or colouring instrument of any sort to add colour anywhere in my life. What a shame this is, truly, for someone who has big designs of a future drowning in paint, splashing and splattering gobs of paint across humongous canvases for no particular reason other than it is something I dream of doing with my life. I see myself painting on large canvases. I feel this dream growing inside me slow and steady. It never abandons me and finds me at the oddest of moments.

When I am not watching and judging where I am at in the present with my creative journey, dreaming of the days I will be swimming in a sea of paint is one of my more loftier dreams. It is a dream I will never let go of until I realize it. I believe that every day I create I am getting closer to that dream. I understand too that where I am at right now, in creativity, was also once a lofty dream.

Nate at the Apple Store (Fairview Mall - Toronto) is the only person who has been able to reach my inner-child artist and calm her enough to want to try to continue to explore the posssibility that I just might finally heal this part of my child artist once and for all. I need to enjoy myself while learning. Fun is part of my personality and a great approach to learning as an adult - especially true when working with creative technology.

Nate's workshops are loaded with great tips, professional instruction and frolic from start to finish. He has a way of making everything ok with whatever attempt you make at trying with sketching, drawing and painting on the iPad, with the Apple Pencil. He introduces you to a world of fantasy by the simple touch of the + button and a two-finger twist to rotate and expand your view on what is possible on the iPad. Before you know it your design is crazy beautiful! He takes you on a journey into a creative wonderland and guides you toward joy unknown. He shows you how to try, to accept what is, without "undoing", and he encourages you to try again and again!

With repetition we overcome fear and we observe ourselves as unlimited. The iPad can do this for us with practise but it is with the support of the Apple Creatives that the feeling of unlimited potential rises slowly, within.

The Creatives at the Apple Store come from all walks of creative life. The expertise, knowledge, experience and professional backgrounds are as unlimited as they are. They share everything they know with learners who wants to explore their creativity. They give from their hearts, their minds and their souls like no other kind of creative person around. This kind of exhaustive giving is a rare treat to experience and a special gift I receive each time I take an Apple workshop.

Today after the sketch paint and draw workshop I was energized and exhausted, but swimming in joy. We each had the chance to participate in a collaborative drawing experience with Nate. We took turns using the Apple Pencil to draw, paint and sketch on the iPad. Allowing only three lines per person we achieved a completed interpretation of a photograph of a zebra, in the wild, chewing its cud. It was a blast! I was able let go and pushed through inner barriers and fears and actually sketched, painted and drew.

Later that evening I completed several other creations inside Procreate while listening to some great music dancing around my apartment in complete happy abandon. I think the iPad is the tool for me that is helping me to heal my inner-child artist with respect to sketching, painting and drawing and so much more. Thanks Apple Store (Fairview) and thanks mostly to Nate for his energetic, kind, and giving spirit.

IMG_0001.jpg

"Tulip in My Garden" by Frances Peets created in Procreate on the iPadPro after Apple workshop with Nate - "Apple Creative".