Click on image to reveal complete drawing/doodle. **Some of the images are copied from other artists I felt inspired by and quickly jotted down my own version. I do not recall where I picked up their markings and made them into mine.
I want to share some of my doodles and half-attempts and tentative marks on paper. You will notice some I stayed with the process of seeing the marks as mine and have committed to their outcome. In others I stopped and gave up. Looks like I need to keep trying at drawing.
Today is the day I share with the world some deliberate and committed marks on paper. Drawing, for me, is one of the most intimidating parts of creativity that makes me want to run and hide in a closet, literally.
I know where this fear comes from and there is no need for me to rehash it here because I have connected to the memory and worked through it. (This is testimony if for me only - sometimes when something is written down the validation becomes larger than the fear. *Note to self to help me to move forward.) But, just because I have connected to a fear does not mean I have been able to move past it. This is where sharing comes in to play. I believe the act of sharing helps me to overcome a block when I am feeling immovable. Fear can do crazy things to me. When someone else sees me for something I don’t, whether positively or negatively it helps me to affirm what I think. A solid foundation in what I think about what I create is all that matters. If someone else responds to what I am doing then great - but those are their thoughts, not mine. I am not looking for others to approve of my work but rather, to see me. Self-expression is never easy and especially when feeling vulnerable. Self-expression in everything I do is what I want to achieve in life.
Drawing is one of my CANTS! It is one of my biggest and toughest roadblocks to continuing in art. Everywhere I go I hear other artists say, ‘make marks, draw, keep a journal’. I have never really figured out why I would need to do that; not yet anyway. I have kept a written journal almost daily for ten years straight and for me that was journaling. Now in this art world I see the message loud and clear, ART JOURNAL, ART JOURNAL, ART JOURNAL. Between art-journaling and mixed-media I don’t know if I will ever embrace what seems like a world away for me, right now, in art. But hey, there are so many things I never saw myself doing, yet somehow, I did them. I think that is where the sharing part is so important. It is not to weigh my thoughts upon those of others but rather to have the courage to share. Courage to do and try at anything in life is scary and especially in adulthood.
Drawing, for me, reveals a vulnerability like no other. I feel as though my voice has been recorded and I am forced to listen to it screeching and screaming and stuttering. Sharing my drawing is like seeing my hands, in a photo, and saying, “Those are not my hands!” (I have never liked the look of my hands.) My drawings or doodles give me that same shy, awkward feeling of non-acceptance. Why I use and share this word “acceptance” I do not know? (It revealed itself to me, as truth, when writing this post so I wrote it out for what it is.)
I love to look at other people’s doodles and drawings and marvel at how the image before me came from their mind. Their doodles can make me laugh in hysterics especially if it is someone close to me who I know well. The drawing can sometimes tell me something I never knew about the person and invite me into their world just a bit more. We laugh and discuss the doodle and life seems so wonderful and simple and beautiful, because the drawing was shared. I love to see other people’s marks but when I look at my own I still feel shy and awkward and alone. These feelings are neither positive or negative they are simply my feelings at this point in time.
I say, “I don’t draw!” emphatically, when someone asks. The truth is, I have a very small, tiny moleskine journal I keep and make tentative and sometimes surprising lines and marks in it just for me. I keep it in the top drawer beside my desk and no one but me knows it’s there. I have been drawing in tiny fits and starts since taking an on-line class with artist, Claudine Hellmuth. She encouraged me to commit to a practice of making marks. I quote her and say, “Draw! It will make you happy.”