I Can't

This is my first set of cards sent in for submission in 2013 to Take Ten Magazine.  They were published as a feature in the Summer 2014 issue.  So glad I got over my fear of believing I couldn't make cards.

Every once in a while when I’m out walking, not thinking of anything in particular, and my mind is wandering this peculiar thought erupts into the forefront of my mind. “I can’t do…”. Every time the phrase “I can’t” rises up within me I want to listen to it and say, “Yes! I don’t have to do that.”

Every single time the phrase, “I can’t” enters my thoughts I want to run from whatever is challenging me but I know running is not the answer. I know if I run, “CAN’T” will follow and eventually destroy the dream I once dreamed; now forgotten and lost. The only way to overcome my fears is to quash all the “I cants”, and change them into “ I cans”

When I consciously think I can’t do something, anything, this is the very indicator that reminds me its time to face my next fear. Some new skill I want to practise; some technique I want to try; practising at something so I can improve all means more work. Learning or changing the way I do things now means growth and more time spent learning. Learning is hard. It’s easier to stay exactly where I am now with what I know thus far. I tell myself I have already spent so many years in the learning stages. (But the truth is the learning never stops.) The very thing I have been carefully avoiding, ignoring or pretending doesn’t exist continues to come front and centre in my daily life gently reminding me to pay attention to the signs. I try to convince myself to put it off or tell my inner artist I’ll get to that once I improve at this “other” thing. Whatever I am avoiding is what all my hopes and dreams are comprised of and it could be the very thing that teaches me just how capable I am. My conscience gets me every time I am not alert and aware and reminds me, it is time to grow.

Before I started writing this list here I didn’t know exactly how many fears I had been forcing into the background of my life and ignoring. Hooray for lists!

Here’s my present day fear list (in no specific order - I just started jotting them down and the list continued to grow). This is just my art fear list. I’m too afraid to write a life fear list but maybe my inner guide is trying to reach me again!

My ART fear list.

  1. Using a rotary cutter
  2. Learning computers and stop relying on my tired excuse of, “I didn’t grow up using them.”
  3. Drawing
  4. Sewing
  5. Free-motion sewing
  6. Quilting
  7. Painting
  8. Technology in general
  9. Twitter/Social Media
  10. Art journaling
  11. Mixed-media
  12. Water-colour
  13. Working on canvas
  14. Writing blog posts
  15. Learning intermediate stamping techniques
  16. Research
  17. Learning a new language
  18. Learning how to build a website
  19. Colouring 
  20. Photography